Life Lessons

In my life I’ve had the fortune to be born into a family of storytellers, and my own personal journey in this world has shown me that all of our traumas, hardships, challenges, losses, and grief, along with all that makes our hearts smile, are inspirational tools at our disposal to connect to others! In the direst of times when we are sad and feel lost, lessons are present to be learned in order to proceed with more confidence and courage! Such is the case with a story I tell, mostly to the students I have had the honor of teaching, and those I encounter while subbing, which I’ve been fortunate to do since I retired 10 years ago!

I am 12, and attend a religious private school. Having come to America when I was 4 1/2 from Italy, and having to deal with the realities of two cultures each day was quite the challenge! I was quiet, reserved, a bit frightened all the time, and wanted not to be noticed, especially at school, lest I give the wrong answer. I followed all rules, rarely spoke, did what I needed to do which included completing my homework as best I could!

One day at school. I realized with horror that I had not completed an English assignment which the required scissors! Panicking, and since I did not have scissors, I meticulously folded the paper and tore it. I glued this down, and completed the writing task, which involved creating sentences describing a picture, underlining the parts of speech.I was able to complete the task right before the bell rang to line up, and I felt relieved.

Once seated in class, I handed my homework in along with everyone else by sending it forward. There were others who had not done it at all, and as Sister Mathilda, ( not her real name,) collected the papers, she got angrier and angrier at the shear number of students who had not done their homework at all! My relief at having turned in my homework was short lived. I was seated close to the front of the room and her desk, so mine was on top, which she had in her hand as she literally screamed at me, because she could see that I had not used scissors, and had surmised that I had probably just completed it. She used me as the example, I think, to put the fear of God into everyone! She screamed at me for what seemed an incredibly long time. I was horrified, and it took everything I had not to burst out crying and run out of the room, but I did! Once recess came, I bolted out of the class, no longer able to restrain the tears!

Once outside, I headed to the bathroom! A classmate, Amber Rose, (not her real name,) followed me and immediately put her arms around me! I don’t remember what she said, but her kindness and comforting words put an end to my tears and struggle in the moment! She didn’t have to follow me and do what she did, but I’m ever so thankful she did! I was able to go back into that class with a bit of confidence and courage, knowing that this wonderful classmate had my back!

In that same class was Markus Down, ( also not his real name,) who took every opportunity to make fun of me. I guess you could call him the quintessential bully. I barely spoke and tried so desperately to keep to myself, and, yet, he would search me out – find me anywhere and make fun of everything about me, from what I had in my lunch, to the numerous trips to the bathroom, as I always seemed to have a very nervous stomach, to the fact that my father was a janitor, with his own business, and I was his helper, so I would be seen all over town cleaning businesses. He made my life miserable! He was so mean!!

As I look out at the students, I then stop, and ask them who they want to be remembered as- an Amber Rose or a Markus Down? I continue by saying that I recall both these students very well – though I’ve not seen them in over 50 years, but both supplied me with such strong feelings that I internalized them, and they are as strong as when I lived through that time!

We cannot control much of what goes on in this world, but we can be the best versions of ourselves each and everyday, by being kind, compassionate, empathetic, and even if we don’t like someone, respectful. It’s literally all that we can do!

Though it’s a story I share with students who have self defeating attitudes, or when there are altercations in the class amongst their classmates, it’s a memory I often go to, to remind me what Maya Angelou said so eloquently, “ People will forget what you said or what you did, but they’ll never forget how you made them feel.” It’s not necessarily what happens to us in life, but rather what we do with it. Therein lies our power.